I returned to work on September 3, 2013 and it was difficult. Originally, I was looking forward to returning because I missed my co-workers and missed adult conversation, but I was also a bit afraid because I had to leave my son in the care of strangers.
My first day back was hard. I hit the ground running and never really felt caught up. While it was nice to see everyone and hear how everyone missed me, I felt out of sorts and missed my boy. I called to check on W at daycare and he was doing better than I was.
At work, I discovered that a lot of things changed while I was gone. There was new staff, a new law clerk and my first impression was that I didn't care for her. A law clerk I had known for years, and who was a great co-worker, was moving on to greener pastures. There were a lot of "inside" jokes I heard and didn't get. I was out of the loop and I felt alone.
It's strange returning to work and feeling so out of it. I've never been gone longer than a week until I had W, then I was out 3 months. I missed a lot. Things happened that I wasn't a part of. I also discovered how much my boss (The Judge) and my law clerk missed me and appreciated me. I figured they liked me but being gone 3 months really showed me that they truly appreciate me. It feels kind of nice to be missed.
I know my future at my job is changing. Now I have to leave a little early to pick-up W from daycare. I have to pump at least twice a day (although if I can get 3 times, I feel very accomplished). I have to be more mindful of using my PTO and actually take vacation time, even if we don't go anywhere on vacation. Now, the BS I put up with is just that, BS, and I have more important things in the world to worry about than petty people.
My job has made me a very negative person and my son has melted my icy heart. The negativity of this job is no longer acceptable. For my sanity and for my son I think it's time to look for a more positive opportunity. It's going to take awhile, but it's time.