Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Expecting and Expectations

From Expectation (noun) 1. the act or state of expecting; 2. the act or state of looking forward or anticipating; 3. an expectant mental attitude; 4. something expected, a thing looked forward to; 5. often expectations -- a prospect of future good or profit.

Sometimes, life is about expectations.  Sometimes, we spend our days expecting something, anything.  When I was a child, when my parents would go out they would tell me "We expect you to do what the babysitter asks of you and be a good girl."  That was their expectation of me every time they went out.  As I moved through school, my father had expectations of me as well, "I expect you to get good grades."  My parents always expected that my sister and I would do things with our lives that would make us happy.  I think all parents want their children to be happy and it becomes an expectation for them.

Those are some of life's expectations.  There are, I'm sure, thousands more that we all can think of, personal expectations about life and the future and friendships, love, hate, peace, war, etc.

So, there are other expectations.  For example, I'm expecting.  That seems like such an old-fashioned expression, "I'm expecting".  Expecting what?  Expecting a downpour?  Expecting a flock of seagulls?  Expecting?  I've always thought it was a strange way to say one is pregnant but it seems a lot of people say it that way.  When I told my love, Travis, that I was pregnant, I just said "So, I think I'm pregnant so I'm going to pick up a test from the store tomorrow after work".  I don't like beating around the bush, so I just put it out there.  He was stunned and then shrugged and said "OK".  So, I bought a test and used it and it came back positive and I made my first appointment, the 8 week one, and it was all confirmed.  I got to see the newly forming baby, who was 1.45cm long and its tiny heart was just fluttering away.  I'm due June 4, 2013.  That is the year of the Snake.  Snakes are intelligent, graceful and materialistic; they are extremely analytical and don't jump into situations, according to a Chinese Zodiac reference I found.  On a side note, I was born in 1976, the year of the Dragon.

We do want to find out the gender of the baby and we do have names picked out.  There's a lot of things we've been thinking about as well.  I've been worrying quite a bit about the overall health of the baby as it develops and making sure I take my prenatal vitamins and folic acid and calcium regularly.  I've also been dealing with nausea and morning sickness (which actually is all day, so from now on I'm going to call it pregnancy sickness which is what my doctor calls it as well).  My expectation is that the nausea and overall sickness will go away around weeks 12 or 13.  Thankfully, my doctor has prescribed anti-nausea medicine for me to take, up to 3 times a day, and it does seem to help.  I feel generally better this week, compared to last week and I'm hopeful this "better feeling" will continue forward and eventually I won't need the anti-nausea meds.  I hope!

I am expected to gain between 25 and 35 pounds during this pregnancy.  I think I should be able to do that, unless this whole nausea/vomiting thing keeps up.  The Nurse Practitioner told me that the soreness in my breasts is a good sign and that I should expect to be able to breastfeed with ease, so that's a new expectation I have.  Of course, there's the typical expectation of belly growth.  I expect that I'll be even more clumsy the bigger I get.  I'm a pretty solid klutz, and have fallen down twice in the past year.  I just lose my balance and go down and that's that.  I'm hoping not to fall down while pregnant and fear falling down while pregnant, but as a natural klutz I think all those who love and care about me expect me to fall down at some point during the pregnancy.

I did not expect to feel so tired.  I don't remember any of my friends talking about how exhausted they were the first trimester.  I'm tired all the time.  Several women who work with me all say that it takes a lot of energy to grow a person, and boy are they not kidding!  I had no idea.  I just wonder why no one tells you beforehand how tiring it is.  I just want to sleep in every day and not do anything until noon.  Unfortunately, I don't think my job would be okay with me coming in everyday at 12 noon.  Probably not.  I also didn't expect the sheer amount of gas my body would produce and release.  Boy, do I feel sorry for those who work around me.  It's embarrassing.  I realize that everyone does it, everyone has gas, but seriously!  Come on!  I had no idea it would be this bad!  I think I could kill a water buffalo!

I did not expect the indigestion either.  I've never really suffered from indigestion or heartburn or acid reflux.  Now I feel it all the time.  I feel so extremely sorry for my Travis, who has Gerd and deals with acid reflux all the time.  Poor guy.

I also didn't expect my sense of smell to increase so greatly.  I cannot walk by a coffee shop without feeling nauseous.  I love coffee!  I love the smell of it, I love sitting in coffee shops, I love brewing coffee.  Now, I can't stand it!  It makes my stomach turn, which is so sad to me.  Of course, I also cannot drink coffee, so I guess not being able to handle the smell is a good thing.  I'm having difficulties with tomato sauce too.  I can't seem to handle foods that have any kind of tomato sauce or tomato base in them.  I can't handle spaghetti, lasagna, tomato soup, nothing with tomato sauce (except for pizza amazingly enough).  I love spaghetti and lasagna, but right now I can't have it.

So, what am I expecting?  I'm expecting a happy and healthy baby at the end of all of this.  I'm expecting my life to change for the better.  I'm expecting to experience the beauty of life in a profound and beautiful way.  I'm expecting to be reminded everyday of why I'm blessed.  I'm expecting a whole new adventure.

So, here's to expecting and expectations.  I'm not going to set up any expectations for what kind of parent I think I will be or what kind of child I expect to have, those are the kinds of things that come along as you move forward as parent and child.  Ultimately, though, I will say, that my #1 expectation is that my child is happy from birth through adulthood and into old age.  I hope my child is happy, with him or her self and withe me as the mommy.

Cheers ~ TLN
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